The Best Dang Potato Salad This Side Of The Mason-Dixon Line

Alternatively: The Best Dang Potato Salad This Side Of The Mississippi.  That just about covers everybody.  And it is: THE BEST DANG POTATO SALAD – PERIOD!  Although, to quote my brother (who, in the summers, would wolf down seconds…thirds…fourths at each sitting), our Mom’s is “kinda like methadone: it ain’t the real thing if she didn’t make it.”  Sadly, he’s right.  But, like a Skid Row down-and-out crack addict, I’ll just keep on tryin’ – happily!

• 6 decent-sized russet potatoes
• 6 eggs
  
• one medium onion diced very fine (I usually go easy on the onion cuz it gives me stinky breath)
• 2/3 cup [real] mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup of sweet pickle relish
• 2 tablespoons (a few good squirts) of yellow mustard
• salt and pepper
• celery seed

Anyhoo, the recipe is pretty simple.  Boil the potatoes in salted water WITH THE SKINS ON (maybe that’s why this potato salad is so gosh-darn good) till a fork goes in easily.  Meanwhile, hard boil the eggs following the proper methodology described in my previous post, Better The Devil You Know…Deviled Eggs. Allow the potatoes and eggs to cool in the fridge, overnight is best.

Once you’ve dug your giant Tupperware bowl out of the cupboard (most everyone has a green one, our Mom’s happens to be yellow), you’re ready to assemble the ingredients. Peel the potatoes (which should be super easy) and the eggs. Dice the potatoes into large chunks, the eggs should be diced smaller – the easiest way I’ve found to dice eggs is to use a small paring knife (YOU use a butter knife so you don’t risk cutting yourself!), cradle the egg in one hand, and slice it lengthwise, then shift it 90 degrees around in your hand and slice lengthwise again, then slice from top to bottom, all while cradling the egg in your hand.

Now comes the testing/trial and error part: mix in (ROUGHLY, again + or – depending on your tastes) the mayonnaise, sweet pickle relish, mustard, s+p, and celery seed.  Go a little overboard with the celery seed, it only gets better. Mix it with a giant spoon, tasting and adjusting the ingredients to your liking.  And voila!

Feel free to let it sit on the counter until your picnic or lunch/dinner, it won’t spoil or go bad. My Mom always left it on the counter all day, and we never once got sick or had food poisoning – in addition to being the best tasting and most versatile food on the planet, I am 99% certain that mayonnaise is both an anesthetic and an antibiotic.